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She doesn't want to divorce! (2 Posts)
Started By:
17 February, 2018 10:54PM
She doesn't want to divorce!
samyusuf - 17 February, 2018 10:54PM
Hello to you all,

I have been following this forum for over a week now, but refrained from posting as I wasn't sure if I'm ready to divorce my wife.

Unfortunately, this past week things have been very bad between us and I'm now 100 percent sure that I want to end this marriage once and for all. I honestly cannot believe I'm even typing this as the very thought of not seeing my daughter every day makes me weak in the knees.

To give you a bit of background, my wife and I have been married for 3 years and we have a daughter who is almost two years old.

I say married, we are not married according to UK law but have had an Islamic Nikah so in the eyes of Islam we're married, but I don't believe an Islamic marriage is recognised in the UK, unless things have changed recently.

We always agreed to have our marriage registered in the UK but never really found the time to get around to it as she fell pregnant shortly after we got married, and we moved around between properties quite a bit so life was hectic.

Without going into too much detail, my wife and I simply do not get along and haven't done so pretty much since the marriage begun, but we stood by each other for the sake of our daughter, at least I did.

Things have gotten really sour now and we argue and fight more than ever before, and the relationship has become very toxic, we both pretty much hate each other. The worst part of it is that my poor daughter is stuck in the middle and it tears me apart every time I look at her whenever we argue.

I spoke to my wife yesterday and explained that I want a divorce as I'm very unhappy in this so-called marriage and worried about the damage it's doing to our little girl. She outright refused and asked if I've gone mad.

I told her that I wanted to sell our flat and split it in the middle and that I'd continue to support her and our daughter, but she's just not having it and is in denial about our problems. We do not even sleep in the same bed and haven't done so for many months now on and off.

I would really appreciate some guidance on how I move forward with separating from my wife as we are not officially married.

Also, I'm not sure what will happen to our flat which was purchased by both of us on a joint mortgage two years ago. I'm not sure how much equity there is in the property if any at all, but I expect she will not want to give me my share of the flat out of spite. I have been paying all of the mortgage repayments since the beginning and also paid the majority of the deposit. Could this end up in court? If it does then I guess the court will most definitely side with my wife and allow her to keep the flat.

My family, especially my mother, are extremely angry at me for wanting to end this marriage, but what nobody seems to understand is that my daughter means the world to me and for me to come to this decision just tells you how miserable I am, and this isn't helping my daughter in the slightest.

Please kindly advise or point me in the right direction.

Thank you
Re: She doesn't want to divorce!
davidterry - 19 February, 2018 11:48AM
Well, no-one can compel you to remain married if that is not what you want. And ultimately you have to decide what is best for you and not your mother.

You should delude yourself with the notion that because you have not registered this marriage is is somehow not a marriage. It is perfectly true that purely religious marriages (and divorces) are not recognised by English law. That is because marriages and divorces can only be entered into and dissolved according to the conditions laid out in law. Purely religious marriages and divorces are not recognised unless the civil legal formalities are complied with.

BUT that does NOT mean that you are thereby released from the jurisdiction of the divorce courts in the event of a breakdown of the 'marriage'. That is because the courts have the same power to make financial orders even where a marriage is void or voidable. If, say, a man marries a woman (girl) under the age of 16 that marriage is not recognised as valid but the courts still have the jurisdiction to make financial orders all the same.

Therefore you should not postpone your decision simply because you think the divorce courts do not have jurisdiction because they do.

Also, in the UK young children normally live with their mother following a divorce unless the circumstances are truly exceptional. In the event of divorce the courts have a duty to consider the welfare of any dependent child before any other factor. In this case they will want to know where the mother and child are going to live. The obvious place for them to live is where they are living now. Your 'wife' is after all a joint owner of that property. These are circumstances where a court would almost certainly order the transfer of the property to your wife. Depending upon how much equity is contains you may or may not retain some financial interest in it but the fact that you have contributed more financially towards the property will count for nothing compared to the needs of your wife and child. You can almost certainly forget the idea that you will recover your financial investment because you almost certainly will not.
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