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History: Home UK Divorce Forum
I feel like taking my own life now (15 Posts)
Started By:
27 January, 2018 10:35AM
I feel like taking my own life now
millwall - 27 January, 2018 10:35AM
I was divorced in 2009 and paid all monies to my family as per the court orders. I retired in June and a new variation order was agreed by my ex and myself for a miminal sum of 20 pound per month.
On LinkedIn and Facebook which she is blocked but still manages to access she saw I was advertising for consultancy work and because I went to Kazakhstan for xmas she assumed I was working.
She is now requesting a lump sum and continue with the 20 gbp or she will take me to court.
I can prove that I have not been working and she has no hard facts to prove otherwise.

I cannot afford to get a solicitor and I am prepared to go to prison ( I'm 66 years old) because of this. These sort of threats and blackmail has been going on since 2009 but when I thought I was free of her this comes up..

I went to Kazakhstan because I have a familiy there which no one knows about because I want to protect them from her. But it's getting too much now with over 30 emails a day from her asking question after question.

I can't continue like this any more and she thinks it's a joke.

Please please someone advise.

Best regards
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
spinner - 27 January, 2018 11:27AM
If you feel suicidal then you should contact the Samaritans


On the 20 emails a day I would look at applying for a non molestation order that stops her contacting you. If she needs to contact you for a court case then she can do that through her solicitor. Anyone sending 20 emails a day on a particular topic sounds like they may have mental heath issues.

If you are retired why has that maintenance order not ended as in normally the shared pension would take over. When was the maintenance order reduced to £20 p/m?

Also regarding you going to prison, you have to try really hard to get a family court to put you in prison for non payment of maintenance. Have a read of the case below.


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 27/01/2018 12:01PM by spinner.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
millwall - 27 January, 2018 02:14PM
Today was another barrage of emails and she is demanded 40,000 pound or it goes to court. I have replied to her emails putting questions in such a way as to confirm it is a form of blackmail.
She all ready has pension share and the 20 is for children. Obviously I am ok with that it is just the fact she is saying I have worked when I know for a fact I have not and now blackmailing me to keep it out of court.
I am tempted to go to a criminal solicitor and report her in the hope he can send a letter to her has a warning and she changes her mind. But really 32 emails today. It's emotional abuse and she loves it.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
spinner - 27 January, 2018 04:40PM
Child support is completely separate from the court process and if she likes she can contact the CMS directly and then *they* can contact you directly and you can sort whatever you need to through them with no need to communicate with her.

If she already has a pension share then it's unlikely she would be able to apply for maintenance but if she would like to then she could contact a solicitor and *they* could contact you directly, again no need to communicate with her.

Why don't you add her email address to a blocked list which sends them to delete automatically and then just ignore her. If she tries to contact you again you can apply for a non-molestation order and the instructions are below.


There is also an advice line you can call.

Re: I feel like taking my own life now
millwall - 27 January, 2018 05:03PM
The child maintenance is via a variation order which we signed and agreed 8 months ago. It's because she thought I was working she wants to take it back to court but I can prove I was not working. I have blocked her email on the laptop but it does not work on iPad/ iPhone as I am in Kazakhstan with my family and causing great distress.
Her solicitor contacted me saying my ex says I am working and should give the children more money. I replied with all the facts and she sent it to me ex who in turns sends all the emails.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
HatMan - 27 January, 2018 05:20PM
How old are the children you speak of? £20 a month doesn't go far does it ????

I am not entirely surprised that she is on your case a bit - Can you imagine how it looks from her point of view...you are seen advertising for work and then suddenly disappear to blood Kazakstan which is hardly a regular holiday destination...

Anyway - I would imagine that her £40K claim will be laughed out of any court.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
spinner - 27 January, 2018 05:57PM
Unless you have a high income or live abroad the CMS is easier to deal with than the courts and a solicitor for child maintenance and twelve months after a court order you or her can make an application for assessment by the CMS overriding any court order. There is a calculator below you can use.


Most email services allow you to configure spam blockers on their servers but you could just delete the email without reading it.

If you do move over to CMS there is an organisation I used to use with the CSA and they act as intermediaries and so the CSA were banned from contacting me directly and had to go through this organisation and then I would talk to this organisation.

Re: I feel like taking my own life now
millwall - 27 January, 2018 07:00PM
All I get is a military pension which she has 50% and my state pension. Since 2009 I have paid her 500,000 pounds plus she was getting tax credits. We both agreed on the 20 pound and signed the variation order. I have done nothing wrong and should not be questioned which country I visit. The fact is she is blackmailing me for a lump sum to keep it out of court. Surely a variation order is simply for when circumstances change and ours have not changed.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
millwall - 27 January, 2018 07:34PM
Please remember I have a wife and 13 year old adopted daughter also but I have not informed anyone about this and why should I, as she refused to tell me when she moved House to a larger one in 2013 as I am classed as a stranger.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
spinner - 27 January, 2018 07:39PM
If you complete the CMS calculation using the government child support calculator and tell the solicitor this is how you have done the calculation and that you are going to pay at that level and if they have an issue with that then you yourself will apply for the CMS to carry out their own official calculation. After that there is no point in her solicitor or her contacting you threatening to take you to court as the court won't deal with a child maintenance calculation and they certainly won't ask you to pay a lump sum.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
spinner - 27 January, 2018 07:43PM
You don't have to but one of the CMS questions is if you have a child living in your household and then I think you get a discount on the amount you have to pay.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
millwall - 28 January, 2018 04:12AM
Thanks. But the issue is not the child maintenance. The issue is she has no factual evidence of me working but because I put on linkedin I was starting a consultancy and I went to Kazakhstan in December she assumes I was working where in fact I was visiting my familiy. She is using this as an excuse to threaten me by taking it back to,court unless I agree to pay 40000. As far as I am aware this is criminal blackmail and emotional,blackmail by email and I can use this against her to put an end to this fiasco.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
HatMan - 28 January, 2018 07:56AM
Well - it definitely isn't criminal blackmail, she suspects that you are working and is fishing for a result - the fact that she says she is prepared to go to court somewhat destroys your claim of blackmail as that would expose her legally so can hardly be described as an attempt at blackmail!!! - Why don't you just say 'haven't been working so take me to court if you fancy your chances' ?
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
spinner - 28 January, 2018 10:07AM
If you do that then all that will happen is you will extend the length of time this goes on. The simple thing to do is apply for a CMS calculation, tell her solicitor that you have done this, provide your ex's details to the CMS, talk to the CMS about whether you need to continue paying the £20 p/m or whether their calculation takes precedent immediately or you have to wait a few months till one year has elapsed from the date of the previous order, pay the child maintenance that is calculated by the CMS and you are done, end of story.
Re: I feel like taking my own life now
HatMan - 28 January, 2018 10:10AM
I think that calling her bluff might be equally effective.
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