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Topic:
need help (3 Posts)
Started By:
Date:
24 January, 2018 10:19AM
need help
sammy.p75 - 24 January, 2018 10:19AM
I am really stressed out and in low mood at the moment and left my job last week. Below is financial situation
House purchased a year back for 600k of which I own 97.5% and wife owns rest. mortgage etc £425k. Spent £50k on stamp duty and other stuff needed for new house. Pension amount £41k but long way to go to get that money. Bought a piece of land abroad using my money in wife's name which is now worth £300k. Another land abroad in my name worth £70k and apartment abroad in joint name worth £50k. All bought with my money but documents with in-laws. Wife owns another big land given by her father but I don't know details. All abroad sale will need 20% tax on sale. Wife has £30k in her bank account . She saved almost every penny of child benefit, 2 components of DLA for my daughter and carer allowance while I was paying for everything. She started her first job as teacher couple of week ago paying approx £1100 and I am left with £10k savings and £7.5k credit card bills and she still doesn't want to pay for Bills. She is ready to pay for mortgage to put her claim on property. She keeps telling me that if she goes to court then I will be on road.

I have two children - a special needs daughter in primary and son in secondary. I am married for 14.5 years now and mostly unhappy but it has got worst in last 6 years because of daughter's condition. I left job as I couldn't really motivate myself. I feel like I was earning for my wife all this time. We had differences from almost first month. She wanted to be housewife and have two kids and I wanted working wife and just one kid. There are many other differences. House is mess all the time. No holidays, no going out, always worried about daughter's health . She and her parents arranged for 2000km road trip on worst roads and worst van when we were abroad during her pregnancy which I believe is reason for my daughter's disability as it happens during 4th month, same month of trip. My career nosedived, I was working at two positions lower than I was 7 years back.

I have few options left - 1. keep living in hell 2. divorce and make fresh start 3. don't know.

Can someone help me whether I stand any chance to get at least half of my assets. Any course of action or suggestions?
Re: need help
puma931 - 25 January, 2018 10:26AM
First you need to decide if you want a divorce or not and this should not be driven by finances!
If you want a divorce then start the process, involve Relate or another help group to help you both through the process.
I also think you need to deal with the issue below:
"She and her parents arranged for 2000km road trip on worst roads and worst van when we were abroad during her pregnancy which I believe is reason for my daughter's disability as it happens during 4th month, same month of trip"
You are clearly blaming her which in my opinion is not right.

If and when you have reached the decision about separating and divorce then discuss your joint finances. Go to see a mediator together, and hopefully if you are both reasonable, you both might reach a fair split. The starting point is 50/50 but adjusted accordingly to enable your Ex to house herself and the children, so you may get less than half.

In your email you refer to your money, you own 97.5% and her money etc, you need to think of it as one big pot that belongs to you both and figure out a fair split. The marriage is a long one so start to think of it all as jointly owned.

Good luck, sounds like you have a lot to sort out and finances is one of the last items on the list...
Re: need help
davidterry - 25 January, 2018 10:59AM
>>First you need to decide if you want a divorce or not and this should not be driven by finances!

I am not so sure about that. Many people get married for financial reasons. There is no reason why they should not divorced for the same reasons. Of course not everyone does. People get married and divorced for all sorts of reasons but financial reasons are no better or worse than any other. People are different.

>>You are clearly blaming her which in my opinion is not right.

I am not sure about that either. In the circumstances described I wouldn't like to hazard a guess one way or another because I am not a doctor and do not actually know what happened. However, it is not difficult to imagine circumstances where blame could be attributed. A drug addict mother who gave birth to a heroin dependent baby might be one such example. Whether it helps to attribute blame is another matter but if there is a causal relationship between certain behaviour and a bad outcome that is not something which is necessarily immune from criticism. Like I said, I wouldn't like to hazard a guess about the actual situation described here. Based on the information given it is impossible to know or even speculate.
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