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Wife wants to end marriage (5 Posts)
Started By:
19 January, 2018 11:25AM
Wife wants to end marriage
Anglian - 19 January, 2018 11:25AM
My wife recently told me she wanted to end our 12-year marriage. We have two children under 16. She has been seeing another man, but claims it is just friendship and nothing sexual has occurred (I’m obviously sceptical). I work full-time, she part-time, though neither of us earns very much. Our home is probably worth £250k, and there is about £80k left on the mortgage. Things had been rocky for a while. I had no intentions of ending the marriage, and part of me wants to just stay put in the house and make things difficult for her. Let her force the issue. But that’s probably not realistic. I don’t have the first clue what to do next and no idea which way to turn. I am a total novice at this. If we sold the house and paid off the remaining mortgage, we might come out with around £75-85k each. I earn no more than £24k (before tax), so God knows whether I could get another mortgage. I know my wife would never be able to get a mortgage on her own, so I am worried about what will happen to the kids. Will they have to spend their young lives in rented accommodation? Would the council help? Will my wife be able to make a claim on my occupational pension, even though she is the instigator of the divorce? Will I have to live in a bedsit? Sorry that these probably sound like very basic questions, and the answers may seem obvious. But I have never been through this before. Any advice would be appreciated.
Re: Wife wants to end marriage
Andyk - 19 January, 2018 01:21PM
HI there. The first thing that I would say is that there is life after a divorce, whilst it may seem all doom and gloom when you are going through it, you do come out the other end. You are in pretty much the same situation that I was in, whilst I never wanted to be divorced, 8 years down the line I am much happier than I ever was in the last few years of my marriage.

You have two choices here, let your wife petition you for divorce, and she will then be in control of the time frames, or you see a solicitor and petition her on the ground of unreasonable behaviour, a solicitor will be able to word a petition for you and almost anyone can get a divorce using those grounds.

The other thing is don't move out, even if your wife asks you to because as soon as you do you will be deemed to have sorted out your own housing needs and your wife will then be able to say you are sorted so she needs more of the house. My wife asked me to move out but I refused, she eventually left for her mothers for a few days and then in with her bloke.

Would it be possible for your children to stay with you? mine stayed with me but they were early teens so were more or less self sufficient when it came to getting themselves to and from school. That way I managed to secure a better deal for me when it came to the finances, there was no way that they would have wanted to go and live with their mother and her bloke, and it was never offered to them as an alternative.

She will be entitled to claim from any of your pension that was build up during the marriage but that would be factored in with everything else around house, savings, debts, earnings etc.

It might be that eventually you do have to leave the house but only do it as part of the financial settlement, not just on your wife asking to leave - if she wants out of the marriage, let her be the one to go.

Good luck
Re: Wife wants to end marriage
Anglian - 19 January, 2018 04:11PM
Thanks, Andy. Really sound and helpful advice. Just to respond to a couple of things you mentioned -

I don't think it would be desirable for the kids to stay with me. They are 11 and 6. I work anti-social hours, and to be fair my wife is a good mum. They would be better off with her.

On the one hand, I'm tempted to just stay put in the house and let her make all the running. But, on the other, things are becoming intolerable, because she is in frequent contact with this other guy (constantly texting each other) and the atmosphere in the house is awful. Would it disadvantage me greatly to move out now? I will stay put if necessary, but it wouldn't be pleasant.

If I did move out, I wouldn't know where to go. Most of my family live in another part of the country, and I need to stay local for work etc. I literally wouldn't have a roof over my head.

I should add that my wife has a fair bit of historical debt (which is why we have never held a joint bank account), and I'm doubtful that she could even afford to instruct a solicitor.

Thanks again.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 19/01/2018 04:17PM by Anglian.
Re: Wife wants to end marriage
HatMan - 19 January, 2018 04:40PM
If you move out you lose any control you might have, this isn't going to be fun anyway - brace yourself for not getting the amount of cash you mentioned either, as there are two young children ( who by your own admission will be better catered for by your ex ) she will get the vast majority of the split to allow her to house the children The needs of them will be paramount and you will have to get used to that , this will all be assessed by working out what the total assets are , house, less mortgage and other debts, plus pensions etc etc - she can certainly make a claim on all assets including your pension as the reasons for the divorce are seen completely separately to the financial settlement and have no influence on that side of the matter...however unreasonable that may sound to you at the moment!
Re: Wife wants to end marriage
Anglian - 19 January, 2018 05:48PM
Okay. Thanks for the advice. Hard to stomach, given that she is the instigator; but thanks anyway. In the end, the kids must come first, however hard-up that leaves me.
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