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History: Home UK Divorce Forum
Topic:
Can't afford to move out (2 Posts)
Started By:
Date:
19 September, 2017 06:20AM
Can't afford to move out
Bango Skank - 19 September, 2017 06:20AM
This old chestnut again.Stuck living together because we can't afford to seperate....

Our marriage after 10 years is now a corpse.

We have three children all under 6 years old and we own a house (at we least have a mortgage on a house with approx 150k equity).
I'm the sole earner and my income is modest around £30k. We've got the home we're in by doing our place up and moving every few years, hence a small monthly mortgage (500 quid). We also do get child tax credit/child benefit that helps us to afford our house.

I think she is so stressed from bringing kids up she has lost her mind. I do what I can to help, which is limited considering I work 60 hours a week. But I'm just treated like crap 24/7. No abuse particularly but just contempt and resentment. She has zero interest in sex (we haven't had any for years but she chides me for apparently being obsessed with it).
I hope that's not irrelevent information.

I can't stand this any more and the kids must be affected by the coldness and passive aggressiveness, and seeing daddy scurry out to work each morning just to get out of a toxic atmosphere. I leave at 7am and pass the time sitting in a car park often to avoid having to intereact with her.

So my question is, what are my prospects for leaving? There's no way we can pay for a home each. My parents are fairly well off (both sides are) and have a large house that I could lodge in. Probably my childhood bedroom. But what a depressing thought that is. I want a relationship, which has never quite happened for me in this marriage. 'Living with parents' isn't something I look forward to having on my dating resume at 40 years old.

This is all a bit disjointed I know but any ideas or advice would be eagerly recieved.
Re: Can't afford to move out
davidterry - 20 September, 2017 02:56PM
The question you have to ask yourself is whether you want to go on like this indefinitely. The fact is that no matter how hard divorce may be life does go on after it. Once people have made the decision I often find that they ask themselves why it took them so long.

You do not have to go to live with your parents and you would be unwise to do so. It would be much better if you sought a divorce, continued to live in the matrimonial home while the divorce is going through and then address the issue of where you are each to live during the context of the divorce. The fact is that you will have housing needs that will need to be addressed and a court will not expect you to go to live with your parents.

Another thing you have to ask yourself if you kick the can down the road is how you would feel if something happened to your parents and at that point your wife wanted a share of anything you inherited. Assuming you act soon you can rebuild your life. The longer you leave it the more difficult that often becomes.
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