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Topic:
Divorce ahead advice please. (18 Posts)
Started By:
Date:
14 August, 2017 06:08PM
Divorce ahead advice please.
rickvw - 14 August, 2017 06:08PM
Hello, this is all a bit modern isn't it? forums for divorce!
anyway, my wife and i have always had a on off relationship, she's left a few times and come back but we've always sorted it, always due to stupid stuff no affairs or violence, we're just polar opposites on everything and the older we got the less we compromise. Anyway things have gone downhill rapidly over the last year or more and she's now informed me she wants a divorce, she's said this before but this time she has (allegedly) hired a solicitor and i am due paperwork soon so she informs me. I'm not going to do anything until i get concerete fact but i'm worried about a solicitor ripping me off (i was married before years ago and he ended up with as much as me - or so it seemed) This time my now wife has sent me a text saying she has told her solicitor she doesn't want to rip me off she doesn't want my pension or my vehicle just what's hers and a share of the equity in the house, i know the law states when we married we became one but i owned my house for 15 years before i met her and the mortgage and deeds are in my sole name, i pay every bill and do the shopping, she works for her own spends although if something bad happens (like car problems etc) i pay for that. I'm just after a bit of advice really from unbiased people (not mates/family) on what to do and ways to get it sorted legally but without paying the solicitor a millionty pounds.... we have been married ten years together 11 and during that time she has left me and got her own (rented) place until she decided to return, this time it seems she's doing it "properly" we have no kids together so it's just us and the dogs to sort out. I await your input and if you need more details ask away! Rick.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
HatMan - 14 August, 2017 06:31PM
11 years is a long relationship/marriage - your previous ownership of property will very likely be trumped by that, I would guess that the starting point will be a straight 50/50 split - good luck!
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
rickvw - 14 August, 2017 06:37PM
don't get the post wrong, i'm not trying to rip her off, to be fair her saying she doesn't want my vehicle or pension is a good thing and makes me want to act fast as i'm sure she could get loads more if she fought long term but i think she just wants out... i'm just looking at ways to respond without letting a solicitor rip me off, in theory if she has said she just wants her stuff and share can we personally agree a figure for example get the house valued then deduct mortgage owed leaving equity figure divided by 2? very pigeon maths but that's what i'm trying to get across, if then i could afford to remortgage and keep the house short term (wouldn't want to stay here mortgaged to the hilt) i could then downsize when it's just me to consider?
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
HatMan - 14 August, 2017 06:40PM
A lot will depend on your respective earning potential and ability to rehouse etc
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
rickvw - 14 August, 2017 06:44PM
HatMan Wrote:
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> A lot will depend on your respective earning
> potential and ability to rehouse etc


please elaborate?
as i say she told me via text she has instructed her solicitor she just wants her stuff and share.
if 50% is her share after 11 years regardless then i'm happy as she doesn't want my pension/vehicle.
i'm fairly convinced i can raise what i know to be a rough guess at 1/2 the equity by remortgage although i wouldn't want to pay that much long term hence me saying once it's sorted i could downsize.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
HatMan - 14 August, 2017 07:45PM
Well let's say for example that you earn £100K and she earns £5K - A decent lawyer will easily illustrate that her need are greater than yours so might suggest a different split of assets in her favour...the start point will be 50/50 subject to any other details that influences the requirements.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
Andyk - 15 August, 2017 12:14AM
Don't be so sure that once the solicitor gets involved she will be as amenable, they have a duty of care to her to point out what she is entitled to. My wife just left wanting half the house but when she got a solicitor involved she wanted more than half of everything.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
rickvw - 19 August, 2017 05:54AM
i've still not recieved anything from my wife's solicitor yet so i'm in limbo bar online advice until i'm 100% sure what's happening, bear in mind we've been here before so i'm not getting too involved until it's in writing. She has confirmed to me again that all she wants is her share of the equity and her belongings to go, i've told her to get 3 valuations on the house by telling the estate agents we're "thinking" of moving we can then agree between ourselves of a fair price we would "sell" for and i'll see if i can remortgage to half the equity and give it her and stay here until it's all done and dusted then if i can't cope i will downsize, the plan then is to instruct the solicitors what WE want to do rather than them to and fro racking up costs. Originally i didn't think it fair all the stuff was split 50/50 especially as i have paid it all and owned it before we met but the law is the law and it will probably cost more to argue, it seems what she wants is probably the best i'll get. I'll keep this thread updated as it's also kind of nice to "discuss" this to noone in particular.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
Bubblegum - 19 August, 2017 08:17AM
The only way to save money in divorce and not to feel 'ripped off' by lawyers, is to be sensible, reasonable and amicable and by grasping how the law works and what is considered fair. Most of the excessive legal costs incurred from divorce often occur when the two parties can't agree. It seems you are not in this position and could potentially achieve a Consent Order and avoid Court altogether. It's also worth remembering that whilst this forum is great, it is people's personal opinions based on limited one sided information rather than advice. A solicitor would be able to offer informed, unbiased legal advice based on the full facts. I think it's important to get that before signing any sort of agreement on the division of assets etc.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
rickvw - 19 August, 2017 07:39PM
oh yes for sure i will get a solicitor, i'm just hoping to agree it all amongst ourselves rather than the solicitor telling us..... no idea what a consent order is sorry, all the mates i speak to say i need to get a "clean break" whatever that is.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
rickvw - 26 August, 2017 11:51AM
bit of an update if anyone's interested.
my wife has confirmed all she wants is her half of the equity in the house after the mortgage is "paid off" and she will be happy at that, we had the house valued and doing the maths there's 110k equity so she wants 55k, my bank won't lend me that much on top of what i already owe but i'm hoping a broker i've been in touch with will sort it, the plan short term would be to keep the house and then downgrade and move once we are 100% seperated thus lowering the mortgage back down a bit.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
HatMan - 26 August, 2017 02:26PM
Yeah - But then all the costs of selling will fall on you and she will have walked away with half the equity.....I would just sell it and do the split with what actually is in the pot rather than your plan.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
Bubblegum - 26 August, 2017 02:47PM
rickvw Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> the plan short term would be to keep the house
> and then downgrade and move once we are 100%
> seperated thus lowering the mortgage back down a
> bit.

I don't understand what you mean by waiting till you are 100% separated. Do your finances (consent order with clean break) as part of the divorce, seek the outcome you want in the end and not in the interim. Then you will be 100% separated both financially and legally. Split the house net of selling costs and downsize now making it easier to get a mortgage. It will be cheaper than doing it later.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
HatMan - 26 August, 2017 04:26PM
What I would do is say to her...if we sell the place it will cost £xxxx so why don't I give you half the equity less the half the cost of selling, that way she will get what she would have got anyway if a sale is forced and you won't have to find quite so much to re-mortgage - if she refuses that then just sell up and split what's left 50/50 - you are being too nice IMO.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
rickvw - 29 August, 2017 09:16PM
i see what you are saying BUT you're missing the point of all she wants is her half of the equity and a few bits out of the house, she isn't touching my pension or my vw camper which itself is worth over 20k i have to give her 55k total and i get left alone, as it stands right now she moved out today into a rented property which i paid the deposit on but am not a garantor of in any way, she asked me if i could pay it and i did, we are probably doing it all wrong but we can't be together but i suspect we will still keep contact - i'm not one for fighting - neither of us were happy for a while she was the brave one who decided to go, i'm an ostrich i just stick my head in the sand.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
Leitha - 30 August, 2017 10:20PM
I've been married to my husband since 1969. The marriage ended in 2012 when he moved out of our house into the woman's house he was having a relationship with for over 2 years. We had 5 children together he was not a good father neither was he a good husband but a very controlling and jealous individual. When asked if he was having an affair he laughed at me and this was the last straw. He became more aggressive and began accusing me of having affairs around the time he was seeing her. He DNA tested his children in their 30's and 40's but has not told them the results, although I know whose they are. He has offered me £20000,00 because he says that's all I am worth and the house is his only and I've contributed nothing. He drew all the money from our joint account in 1997 and put it all in his name when I went to care for my mother who had a stroke in the Caribbean. He has hidden the money and I want to know whether this money can be traced when we have to divide the assets.
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
HatMan - 31 August, 2017 06:11AM
You need to start your own thread - this will get lost in replies to the original OP
Re: Divorce ahead advice please.
davidterry - 31 August, 2017 11:01AM
>>He drew all the money from our joint account in 1997 and put it all in his name when I went to care for my mother who had a stroke in the Caribbean. He has hidden the money and I want to know whether this money can be traced when we have to divide the assets.

Twenty years later? You will have your work cut out. Hardly anyone keeps records for that long.
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