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History: Home UK Divorce Forum
Am I being fair? (2 Posts)
Started By:
23 July, 2017 08:56PM
Am I being fair?
kaito - 23 July, 2017 08:56PM
My husband and I have been married 10 years, together 17 with two children aged 7 and 5. He is about to move out to a rented house and has asked to sort some finances out as he will need to buy "everything" for the new rented house.

I have just transferred some money to a new bank account he has just told me about, when I told him how much he started having ago at me as he was expecting more.

To summarise our financial history and situation:

My husband suffers from depression, so for 3-4 of our 17 years he has not been able to work, due to his illness. Then I supported him when he went back to college to retrain as he wanted to change career. Then he went into very low paid work as he restarted his career, then I supported him when he tried to start his own business. It's only been the last 3-4 years when he has been employed with an ok sort of salary, but I have still been by far the main bread winner.

The house we now live in, I bought a week before we got married - he had financial problems and debts at the time and because he wasn't actually working when I bought the house, I bought it by myself, mortgage and deeds in my name only.

Since then I have been left £10,000 by my uncle which went into home improvements, I also had a settlement agreement through my last employer a few years ago for £38,000 after I had been bullied at work by my manager. (a contributory factor to why we are separating as he didn't support me emotionally during this period).

So now he wants to sort some finances to assist with him moving into a rented house - We did have £43,000 in our savings, most of which is from the settlement i have mentioned. I bought a new car back in April and used £14,000 from the savings towards that - the remainder owed for the car is on a loan in my name.

I took £5000 to one side, as I still need to set up a junior ISA for my son to match the Child trust fund savings that we previously arranged for my daughter - it's one of those things I've been meaning to do and never got round to it.

So I took the remaining figure and divided it by two - transferring just under £12,000 into his account.

He's kicked off at me. He knows earlier in the year we had over £40,000 in savings, now he's saying as I've spent £14,000 of that towards my car, that he should now be given an extra £7000 - so he's expecting me to transfer over £19,000.

Is it reasonable of me to give him just £12,000 at this stage?

I kind of feel that given my level of financial input over the years, and the fact that most of our current savings are actually as a result of my settlement from bullying at work, that me spending £14,000 towards a car was kind of like I was finally actually using some of that compensation from leaving my previous job.

Also, given that we haven't started to look at full separation or divorce settlements, and that currently everything, be that assets or debts are in my name, I didn't want to go and hand over even more money to him at this stage - it makes me wonder why he needs it or what he's expecting to do with it.

Any thoughts please?

Re: Am I being fair?
davidterry - 24 July, 2017 05:06PM
>>Is it reasonable of me to give him just £12,000 at this stage?

No. You shouldn't do it. If you get a divorce and a payment is made as part of a formal and final settlement in that divorce then that would be different. In this case if your husband uses the money to buy a home cinema system or whatever then when you do eventually get around to a divorce the money will be gone and no doubt he will be asking for more or something else. If the marriage is over you should get a divorce and sort out the finances formally and finally within the context of that divorce. If you do it any other way you risk losing the money for no benefit whatever.
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