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Removed (7 Posts)
Started By:
08 July, 2017 09:54AM
Treadstone99 - 08 July, 2017 09:54AM

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2017 09:27PM by Treadstone99.
Re: My wife has asked me to leave the house, what should I do?
Andyk - 08 July, 2017 10:56AM
Don't move out just because your wife's solicitor tells you to, it is just as much your home as it is hers. Only leave when you have to if this does end up in divorce. Just be careful that your wife doesn't engineer a situation to accuse you of being violent or intimidating so she has cause to have you removed.
Re: My wife has asked me to leave the house, what should I do?
davidterry - 08 July, 2017 04:20PM
It would be a very bad idea to move out for all sorts of reasons and one of those is exactly one which you identify. You can at least hope to speak to your wife (carefully) if you share the same house. If you move out one of the things which tends to happen is that all communications are through solicitors. That rarely helps reconciliation or reaching agreement. At least if you are in the same house you stand a better chance of being able to talk to your wife. Don't force the issue, though. You have had more time to get your head around this than she has so tread carefully.
Re: My wife has asked me to leave the house, what should I do?
Bubblegum - 08 July, 2017 11:41PM
I don't blame her for wanting you out of the house or seeking legal advice. But I do think she is rushing things by starting the divorce within a matter of days of learning of your affair. I agree with everything that has been said above and that it's in your interest to stay put for now - both, in terms of finances and child arrangements etc.

I do think you need to consider that this must have come a major blow to your wife and she will be in shock and will feel like her whole world has just fallen apart around her. You need to let her feel these emotions and work through them by giving her space. It's great that you have sought counselling to help work through your issues. I would suggest that you also speak to [www.relate.org.uk].

When responding to the solicitor, I wouldn't go for the 'my rights' approach to the communications. In explaining your reasons for remaining in the home you could come at it from a human and sincere angle. Your wife may not be talking to you, but she will see the letter and if she can see that you are getting help and showing genuine remorse. The only way you have any hope of reconciliation is through open and honest communication. If you both still love each other then there is a chance that she may forgive.
Re: My wife has asked me to leave the house, what should I do?
ValMc - 10 July, 2017 07:16AM
Having been where your wife is now, I would echo the above. Try to give her as much space as possible to come to terms with what has happened. A betrayal of trust is like a hammer blow - she will need space to come to terms with it. Only then can you both decide if the marriage is worth trying to save. In my case, I tried very hard for 9 months to forgive (you can never forget) and we did go to relate counseling but I was unable to trust him again. I decided to end the marriage, and we have been divorced now for nearly 20 years. I know this is not what you want to hear, and I hope your wife is able to forgive you. My ex eventually went back to the women he had the affair with, and they are still together. Our children both have families of their own and seem to have survived very well their parents split. I have no regrets about ending the marriage - it was the right thing for me to do. I hope you can get your relationship back on track but don't expect it to be a quick thing. My ex thought I should be over it in a matter of weeks, and that I should have been able to carry on with our marriage as he had left his girlfriend - men are from mars and women from venus!!! Don't make his mistakes - it will take time and effort. Good luck.
Re: My wife has asked me to leave the house, what should I do?
Andyk - 10 July, 2017 11:29AM
I told my wife I was prepared to forgive her affair when I found out that she was seeing someone. She wasnt prepared to give him up so I told her she would have to leave. I'm glad she did because in reality I was only saying that I would forgive her because I was frightened of being on my own and the reality of going through a divorce and the financial implications. Moving forward I am happy being single than I was towards the end of my marriage and I have the freedom now to do as I please without having to think about someone else.

Is she happy? She keeps saying how happy she is, in reality she has had to give up work because of depression and apparently has hit the bottle as well so I think I know who came off better.
Re: My wife has asked me to leave the house, what should I do?
Treadstone99 - 10 July, 2017 11:38AM
It sounds like it worked out good for you, I am glad to hear that.

The sad thing is with me I gave up the affair partner a number of weeks ago. The affair partner blackmailed me, wanted £10k for silence and I refused and ultimately she did tell my wife, all the horrible details too. I guess I got the karma and I have to live with that. I happened 9 years ago too which she forgave me for but now is saying never again. Like I said I am getting help for my demons. 20 years of marriage has generally been fantastic apart from this trauma.

Deep down I love my life dearly and want her back. I would do anything but have to give her space.
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