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History: Home UK Divorce Forum
Scared of ex husband. Where do i stand? (3 Posts)
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25 May, 2017 08:00PM
Scared of ex husband. Where do i stand?
Bumblebumble - 25 May, 2017 08:00PM
I hope someone can advise where I stand and what I can do please.

- separated 2 years
- have a child under 16 together
- ready to send petition to court. Ex can't afford his legal fees and wants me to pay half. I asked him to send everything to my solicitor so I can look at it. He declined
- he hardly sees his child. Once a week. Regularly changes plans and cancels. Gives his child no stability and no consistency
- very rarely has his child over night
- he is still on the deeds to the house but has not contributed in any way towards mortgage or bills for over 2 years.
- he has declared that he will soon be homeless and has demanded he move back into this house
- has declared he cannot afford to keep up the cost of his child maintenance payments
- he takes drugs
- he has been verbally abusive to me in from of our child

My solicitor has not returned my calls. I'm scared and don't know where I stand at all. He's toxic to our child.
Can he seriously move back in?
I really need help here
Re: Scared of ex husband. Where do i stand?
John86 - 10 June, 2017 07:09AM
was he like this before you got married and had a child with him? if you are scared he is going to harm you or your kid then you need to go to the police not a divorce forum. why are you letting him care for you kid if he is abusive and a drug taker? you should be worrying about your kid more than your divorce imo. if he is as bad as you are making out then you need to go through a contact centre or something.
Re: Scared of ex husband. Where do i stand?
jill_of_all_trades - 12 June, 2017 12:19PM
Change your solicitor. Even acquaintances who aren't divorced can be asked whether they have heard any good or bad stories about the local firms. You are either with a solicitor who works alone and has taken on too much or one with an incompetent office staff.

Stop trying to make things work as a co-parent with your ex. Organise your life on the assumption you are either with your child or he/she is with a reliable child minder/in school/at a playscheme/with family. If the ex wants to see your child DO NOT agree to any arrangement which changes arrangements made that cost money or involve family - suggest alternatives at times when you are available to look after your child if he does not turn up.

Change the locks. Child pick ups and returns take place outside the front gate with your front door shut. Legally your ex can move back in. However after 2 years of living elsewhere and not contributing to the financial costs of the household it is not REASONABLE that he does. Your ex does not have the money to take you to court on this and would lose the argument if he did in my non-solicitor opinion.

Stop worrying about your ex's court and solicitor's costs. That is his problem. Just pay what you have to in order to progress the divorce. If you are unlucky the court might order you to pay some of his costs but cross that bridge when you have to.

Personal advice. If you changed your name on marriage. Change it back. I have just started on the process and although it is going to be a pain in the backside - passport, driving licence, work, pensions, doctor, dentist etc - it is making me feel younger.
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