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Domestic violence - tips to divorce? (3 Posts)
Started By:
09 May, 2017 08:26PM
Domestic violence - tips to divorce?
mjuk29 - 09 May, 2017 08:26PM
My Aunt is 71 years old and been married to my Uncle for 50 years (literally just had their anniversary in March.
He has always been very victorian in nature and they have had many heated arguments over the last 10 years (he is 3 years older than her).
On Friday 28 April, mid afternoon they had a heated argument over his company, resulted in him beating my Aunt on her face - she has multiple bruises, she tried to call 999 but he took the phone from her and said it was a mis dial.. she beat him off with a china tea caddy.. it caught the side of his head and he only stopped hitting her when he saw his blood (just a nick, not badly hurt). They had not been drinking. He then went and took a shower and then left to go to a local politics club meeting that evening. He is a rotarian and involved with the CAB. Very much a pillar of the local community...
He took the house phones and hid them before he left to go to the meeting. That night he slept in the spare room. She did not leave or tell anyone. She was in shock (she was in shock for at least a week afterwards).

The next morning my Aunt said to him - "you really wanted to hurt me yesterday didn't you?" he said, "Hurt you, I wanted to kill you!" - He then added - "but it did shut you up, didn't it?!"

He later said they had two choices, forget it happened or sell the house etc and go their own separate ways... On the Sunday morning, he did say ' you know I really am sorry' - but that was the only remorse shown. My Aunt says its almost empowered him more.

He has never hit her before. But this time was multiple hits (at least 4 from the bruises). I have photos of her face from the next day.

She is still with him - she wants to sort out all the financial files etc (he controls everything) and then see a solicitor. She then wants to tell her two grown up sons and then ultimately leave him. Divorce.
At the moment he has no idea about this and presumes they are just getting on with things and forgetting about it. He will not want to give up half his money (or whatever she is entitled to) or lose his wife (cleaner, cook, housekeeper etc) and lose face with his friends and colleagues.

They are fairly well off - a main house and a holiday home in Swansea. Two cars (both in his name) plus various investments , healthy private pensions etc. She has mostly had low paid secretarial jobs etc and retired with just a state pension when she was 60. Since then she has had breast cancer and two other large operations.

We are planning to document all the various bank accounts tomorrow while he is at work (he still works 3 days a week)

Does anyone have any tips? - I am the only one that knows about this abuse from 28 April. I am her niece. I haven't been through anything like this before either.

We would probably want to find a solicitor in or around Milton Keynes or Leamington Spa.

I would really, really appreciate any advice. Thank you.
Re: Domestic violence - tips to divorce?
Bubblegum - 09 May, 2017 09:05PM
That sounds absolutely awful. Your poor aunt! I think she would need to plan and take steps with care to ensure her safety. I would recommend contacting the following organisations for support and advice...


They both have helplines too. I think she should try to remain in the house and get an injuction against the husband to prevent him entering the home. But obviously her safety would be the primary concern. Have her injuries all healed? I would pay a visit to the dr's too. Take the photos and explain the injuries she has suffered. A doctors report could help with legal aid and injuctions. I would also contact the police with the supporting evidence.

Your aunt is lucky that she has you looking out for her. As a victim of DV it can be very hard to access help because of the emotional state you are in. Your aunt has reached out for help and I hope she is able to safely get out of such a toxic relationship.
Re: Domestic violence - tips to divorce?
mjuk29 - 09 May, 2017 09:13PM
Thank you so much - really appreciate the info - will contact the Doctors surgery tomorrow (if she agrees) - I don't think she will want to call the police though. Will definitely look into the two links you supplied.
Much appreciated.
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