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History: Home UK Divorce Forum
Topic:
Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation (12 Posts)
Started By:
Date:
17 January, 2017 03:14PM
Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
Blissfaery - 17 January, 2017 03:14PM
Hi everyone,

I am new to forum and wondered if anyone could give me some advice. I separated from my husband 4 years ago and our divorce was finalized last week. In the meantime, he is refusing to enter into any discussions regarding financial settlement. We were together for 11 years in total and married for 7 of those years living in a house that was owned solely in his name. Throughout the time we were living together and married, I was working and contributing towards the household expenses ( not to mention looking after his sons from a previous relationship).

He has a mortgage outstanding on the property which is a 4 bedroom house ( i am not sure how much is left on the mortgage) and the house is worth around £300,000. I am not actually after 50/50 split of the equity,only enough money to be able to buy a modest one bedroom flat as I am currently having to lodge in a friends house being unable to afford to rent on my own. He also has a car, a boat and has been to Thailand twice in the last 2 years on holidays. The last communication he said was that he was made redundant from his job in November 2015 and " i can't have what he hasn't got" which I believe to be a lie.

I have tried to give him the opportunity on more than one occasion to discuss and settle the finances but his attitude is that I am not entitled to anything . I feel that my only option is now to file an application for ancillary relief with the court. My concern is that as he is refusing to discuss finances he won't agree to attend Mediation and on the Form A it says i cannot file an application unless a MIAM has been attended. So can i contact a mediator, ask them to contact him to set up a MIAM and if he refuses, the Mediator will sign the form A to say that he refused to attend and then i can submit to the court to start the proceedings?

Many thanks for taking the time to read

Best regards
Blissfaery
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
Bubblegum - 17 January, 2017 09:30PM
It's been a while since I attended my MIAM, but I attended alone and the mediator ticked the relevant box in section 4b and signed my form A so that the matter could progress to court. I think the mediator invited my STBX to attend separately but still signed the form for me as I was the applicant and I had attended which was enough to meet the MIAM requirements. So about £100 spent just to get a signature so that I could submit my form A. eye popping smiley

Don't believe what your ex tells you. You are lodging with a friend whilst he is living in a 4 bed house. The assets he has are marital assets and you have made a contribution even if they are not held in your name. Did you register matrimonial home rights? Once the matter goes to court he will have to make full honest financial disclosure. Going to court for financial settlement is not to be taken lightly, especially if funds are limited. I have found it to be extremely stressful, time consuming, slow and frustrating - but it was a last resort! It might be worth sending your ex a well drafted letter from a solicitor to state your position and next course of action. This is sometimes enough for them to pull their head out of the sand.
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
MQS - 17 January, 2017 11:22PM
Hi blissfaery, im in the same boat as yourself but much further down the line.
My husband hid all the savings we had which he thought that would be easy considering everything was in his name only! He denied having any pensions on his form e but as it turns out he has 5. The first thing I was told to do was to put my name on the land registry as soon as possible which I did. At the first FDR I had a lawyer representing me but felt he was getting away with murder but then I got a barrister for the second one which was adjourned because my barrister found bank accounts closed down days after I left him, fake tax bills and denial of foreign bank accounts which I was there when he opened them. My adjourned FDR is middle of February and it's nearly running on 2 years of all this fighting for just something to help me start again!
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you keep up the good fight. Please let us know how you get on.
Maureen x
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
Blissfaery - 18 January, 2017 01:24PM
Thank you so much Bubblegum and Maureen for your very helpful advice, so in essence as long as i attend the MIAM and take the form A with me, if he refuses, doesn't respond to the request or responds but doesn't show up, I have attended so that part is covered, that really is good to know.

I am planning on contacting him again before i take this course of action and advising him he has one final chance to make this situation right before i proceed. I really do not want to have to do this but why should i be left lodging with a friend and he is sitting in a 4 bed house , all i want is a reasonable amount to be able to set up my own home which isn't too much to expect after 11 years with someone and 7 years married!

Is it easy to lodge matrimonial home rights and can i do this even after the divorce is finalized ? I will probably do this just after i contact him asking him to settle or court!

I wish you both luck with your FDR / settlements

Thank you
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
MQS - 18 January, 2017 02:51PM
I think you really need to get your name on the land register like yesterday! It cost me £80 I think!
I gave my husband too many chances and that gave him time to do the dirty on me. As in hiding assets!
I'm 55 years old and all I really asked for was enough for a deposit on a private let and a wee bit for furniture but that was too much to ask in his eyes so now he's been caught and probably going to loose a hell of a lot more now.
Fingers crossed for you and please let us know how you are doing? Xxx
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
Blissfaery - 18 January, 2017 03:06PM
Hi Maureen, How awful for you that you have had to go through all the lies and covering up.

I'm not sure if its too late to register an interest now as the Decree absolute came through last week,so even though the finances are not settled, i don't know if i can do it? Does anyone know if its still possible?

I would like to do it just to show to him i am not messing around and that he needs to stop burying his head in the sand and thinking he can go on ignoring and avoiding the settlement.

Like you, i am not asking for more than what I need to get settled in a modest place for myself. I personally think he is running a big risk by allowing it to go to court that the judge ( if it gets that far) may order him to give me far more than what I would be willing to accept if we settled out of court.

I have said to him that he is being belligerent by not even being willing to find out what I would accept. If i was in his shoes i would not want to risk a judge ordering a 50/50 split of the equity in the house which could mean he would have to raise his mortgage or sell if he is unable to do that.

Oh well, stupid is as stupid does eh?

Best wishes xx
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
MQS - 18 January, 2017 03:14PM
I hope someone on here can give you the answers because I'm quite sure there are others in a similar situation as yourself.
I do know that should your husband mess around too much he will stand to lose more than he bargained for.
Maureen x
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
Bubblegum - 18 January, 2017 04:00PM
My understanding is that you can no longer claim MHR as you are no longer married. If you had registered them before the absolute, they would also have ended, so I guess it makes little difference now. Best thing you can do is get things moving as far as financial proceedings are concerned.
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
Blissfaery - 18 January, 2017 04:09PM
Thanks Bubblegum for clarifying about the Home rights issue. My feelings exactly Maureen, if it turns out to be the case that the judge awards me more than what I would be willing to settle for out of court, then so be it, he had his chance and so far he isn't taking it!

Best wishes xx
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
davidterry - 18 January, 2017 06:12PM
What you should actually have done was

1. Register a Matrimonial Homes Act notice against the property as soon as you left and
2. Obtained an undertaking from your ex husband not to apply for decree absolute until the financial issues arising from the marriage had been settled (and you could have enforced this if he refused to give the undertaking).

If it was not you and it was your ex husband who issued the divorce petition it is imperative that you issue an application to the court for financial relief. If you were to remarry before you did this you would lose your right to claim anything. Since the house is in his sole name you would lose all claim upon it in that event. If you are the one who issued the divorce petition and all the right boxes were ticked this is not so important but it is very important if your ex husband issued the divorce petition.

Your ex husband is ensconced in the house and you are out of it so he has no incentive to do anything. You are the one who needs to make the running to get this resolved.
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
Blissfaery - 20 January, 2017 01:31PM
Hi David , thank you for your advice.

I don't have any intention of remarrying for the foreseeable future and intend to send in an application to the court for financial relief. He was the one who issued the Divorce Petition although on the response to the court i did tick the boxes to say that I intend to apply for ancillary relief.

I am going to be contacting Mediation to set up the MIAM, so regardless of if he attends / responds or not I will get the form signed and then lodged with the court.

The only thing that concerns me is the fact that I cannot afford a solicitor / barrister to represent me in the proceedings, would this likely make it difficult for me to pursue a claim, although i have no idea how he could get out of it as we were legally married for 7 years, no denying that!

Thanks again
Re: Looking for advice- want to apply for Ancillary relief but Ex Husband refuses to attend Mediation
davidterry - 20 January, 2017 05:37PM
>>on the response to the court i did tick the boxes to say that I intend to apply for ancillary relief.

That is not the same as making a formal claim which preserves your rights. If you were not the person who issued the divorce petition the only way you can formally make a claim for financial relief is by making a court application and paying the court fee.
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