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History: Home UK Divorce Forum
Frustrated - Second Opinion Please (6 Posts)
Started By:
08 January, 2017 02:23AM
Frustrated - Second Opinion Please
german8927 - 08 January, 2017 02:23AM

I would like to get a divorce from my wife. I've hired a lawyer but I wouldn't mind second opinions/views. I am outside the UK but in a country where the law does follow the UK to a large extent.

We've been together over 20 years. The cart was put before the horse in that the relationship was established without there being an initial friendship. I thought if a person wants to be with you and both want things to work out then it probably should. I've kept this belief throughout the years and kept believing that something has to be there all these years although I honestly never felt loved. So why get married? I thought that after all the years together and her still there that maybe she just needed to know I was committed to her. And I thought marriage symbolized this commitment. To my dismay nothing changed.

There's not much intimacy in the relationship. Shortly after getting together over 20 years ago, they said they wish for me to reduce the amount of kissing that I do. So I did. I'm an affectionate person and I like to receive affection, but I thought to myself I'll compromise and hopefully there would be change later. For how can a relationship thrive without this type of affection. Then it became holding hands was an issue. It became that I basically waited on her to say when there can be any physical interaction.

Children came later on. After a few years I couldn't continue with sexual relations. It became too much to bare mentally and emotionally while not feeling loved. It's been over 2 years without such relations. We sleep in separate rooms for the last 5 to 6 years. I support myself and I'm not dependent on them, not even for meals.

They said in the past they will not give up on the relationship although I keep asking where is the love and what is it they love about me,...still no clear answer. Then during a very minor dispute where I was merely trying to understand their view, they spat in my face. I was shocked. This has happened on two other occasions, the last one being very recent.

They've said on several occasions, during an argument, that I should seek legal advice. I did after the recent spitting incident. I was advised to try and seek an amicable divorce and therefore try to have a discussion about it with them.

I did try and they refused.

Any advice?

I was told moving out doesn't constitute abandonment, and that technically due to how we've been cohabitating the marriage has broken down. But I am thinking, from what I've read, that because they may still refuse to divorce that it will take 5 years.
Re: Frustrated - Second Opinion Please
Andyk - 08 January, 2017 03:20AM
Unfortunately this is a UK Divorce Forum so all opinions etc are based on UK law, not a country where the law does follow UK law to an extent.

UK wise, no one has to be married to someone that they don't want to be. Seek a divorce using unreasonable behaviour as it sounds like you certainly have grounds, don't wait 5 years as that's a long time, using Unreasonable Behaviour you will be divorced in a fraction of that time.
Re: Frustrated - Second Opinion Please
german8927 - 08 January, 2017 03:39AM
Thanks. Yes I realize it's more UK based. Though the laws seem to be quite similar. I was more interested in a general point of view. I will rely foremost on the legal person hired. Just wanted to hear another opinion.

Thanks again.
Re: Frustrated - Second Opinion Please
Andyk - 08 January, 2017 08:05AM
If you aren't happy and are being treated like that then I would say divorce asap.
Re: Frustrated - Second Opinion Please
Bubblegum - 08 January, 2017 08:49AM
I can only base my opinion on as if you were in England. You are in a relationship that is not working and you should get out and put an end to it. I would have thought spitting at/on someone is assault! You are in an abusive relationship and could use unreasonable behaviour to advance the divorce.
Re: Frustrated - Second Opinion Please
german8927 - 08 January, 2017 11:39AM
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