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Divorce disagreement on financials (11 Posts)
Started By:
13 December, 2016 03:07PM
Divorce disagreement on financials
Hellostarlight - 13 December, 2016 03:07PM
I'm about to start divorcing my husband of 12yrs. We have 4 young children, youngest is 4, eldest 11. I have been the main carer and want to continue to be. I do work part time but earn very little and fit it in around the children. My soon to be ex earns a good wage £50,000. We have a big house worth £600,000, mortgage of £200,000. He also has other assets, another house worth around £300,000 and a very good pension. I have nothing. He's refusing to move out until the divorce is completed. Wants to fight me to have the children 50/50 even though he works long erratic hours and barely cares for them when here as is happy to leave me to it. He struggles to cope with them.. But I believe he doesn't want to pay me maintenance and wants at least half of the proceeds from our main house and for me to have nothing else which is why he wants to fight me. He sees the other assets as his. Anyway where do I stand legally? I have seen a solicitor but she said until she has full financial disclosure she can't really tell me what might happen at court. Ideally I'd either like to stay in our main house or sell and use the proceeds to buy a house with no mortgage for the kids and I. I'd like him to have them maximum of 2 nights a week as I don't believe he'd cope with more and couldn't because of his work anyway. How likely is all this to happen? Am so stressed by it all and worried. He can get quite aggressive and bullying when discussing these things.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
puma931 - 13 December, 2016 04:30PM
In a long marriage the starting point is 50/50 of all assets (houses, pensions, cars, savings etc) and then there is some give and take to come to a fair overall settlement. If you are the main carer then a court would likely decide that you should get enough equity to purchase a suitable property (have a look on a property search web site for what you think you need for you and the kids).

You have to try mediation before going to court, so setup some sessions to discuss access and finances.

Access - Ask questions about how he would care for the children in 50/50 situation, who would do school drop off/pick ups and who would look after them during the holidays? Some parents do make a 50/50 work for them, but like you say it involves commitment. In my experience the courts do not like dividing children in half, and prefer them to live with one parent and the other parent gets regular access (alternate weekends, half of holidays and perhaps one night in the week). Whilst you are both living at home try 50/50 so he can experience what it involves.

Finances - avoid discussing or agreeing to anything before you try mediation and be fair and reasonable. Full disclosure on both sides is a must. If you go to court it is usually because one of you is not being fair. The court process is long and costly, so this needs to be factored into your decision/negotiations, as there is no point arguing over £20k.

I really hope mediation will work for you.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 15/12/2016 02:52PM by puma931.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
puma931 - 13 December, 2016 04:33PM
BTW - don't confuse mediation with marriage counselling. The mediator is there to help you both come to a decision on access and finances, and not to discuss who had the affair etc.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
davidterry - 13 December, 2016 06:08PM
Bearing in mind that you will have the care of four children and that your husband earns much more than you do I would be surprised if this was was a 50/50 case. Your needs and those of the children will probably mean that you get more than half of the assets. That is usually the case when there are dependent children and the parent with care of those children earns much less than the other spouse.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
Hellostarlight - 13 December, 2016 08:11PM
Thanks for the replies. That's good to know. Yes I was hoping to offset the other house and his large pension pot against the house equity. I have no pension and no other assets. He owns the family car as well. As that would be around 50/50 split of all assets. If he fights me for half our current house and assumes o won't get anything from the other assets then I'll have to go for 50/50 of all assets, pension, other house etc. As his earning potential is much greater and I will be the main carer for the children as I always have been. I suppose in the end I may be entitled to more. But all I want is a house for the kids and me, ideally with no mortgage. Or stay in our current house and have it transferred over to me. And he can keep all the rest. It's good to know this is probably what would happen. But getting him to agree it is another thing. It could be very costly if he fights me for it.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
davidterry - 15 December, 2016 12:34PM
Just as a matter of interest you would be mistaken in thinking that in some way you have to compensate him for receiving more of the equity by leaving him his pension. You are almost certainly entitled to more of the equity for the reasons I have already explained. The pension is something quite separate. If it was built up while you were together it is a marital asset and you are entitled to a share of it regardless of how the equity is divided. The two are not necessarily linked.

It is true that it may cost money if your husband does not agree but you have to look at these things in terms of economics. Would it be worth spending, say, £5,000 in order to secure a pension pot of, say, £100,000? Most people would say yes. You need to think about the figures before you take the path of least resistance.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
Hellostarlight - 15 December, 2016 01:10PM
Hmm ok very interesting. Hadn't thought of it that way. Thanks for the reply. Yes the pension has been built up mainly whilst together. He had a small private pension that he transferred over when he started a new job in the police when we met. But most of the pension has built up whilst we have been together over the last 14yrs. I'm not sure how much it is worth, but I know it's a lot. I haven't worked so have no pension provision at all. I've only just started to work part time over the last few months.

Yes I agree spending some money to get what I'm entitled to is worth it, especially if it's a substantial amount such as this.

So you're saying that I may still get what I want from the house (either to keep it, or use most of the equity to buy another house) and be entitled to other assets too? I'm surprised.

I assume I couldn't/wouldn't be advised go for a mesher order as there's enough equity to buy somewhere else outright for myself and the kids? I'd like to stay here if possible.

I hadn't thought of these things so thanks for taking the time to reply and help me navigate through these decisions.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
davidterry - 15 December, 2016 02:32PM
If your husband is in the police then the chances are that the value of the pension is very significant and if you have no pension provision of your own you will be entitled to a share of his pension. This is quite separate from who gets how much from the house because you cannot buy a house with a police pension. The pension will be considered separately and on its own merits. Because police pensions are not defined contribution pensions the capital transfer value of his pension is almost certainly high enough to justify the expense of pursuing.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
Hellostarlight - 15 December, 2016 03:04PM
That's really good to know. Yes I thought it would be worth a lot but wasn't sure how much. Thank you very much for your reply. It's so helpful.
Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
gogbechie - 25 February, 2017 10:49PM
I am going through a divorce, my wife has withdrew and transfered all the money in our joint accounts to her account. I don't know if the mony has been spent or not but she has refused to tell me what happened to the money. Now her and her solicitors are saying that I am not entitle to the money because I committed adultary. Can I be able to claim half of that money as part of our divorce settlements from our remaining assets.

Please I need your urgent reply as I will be attending mediation in two days time.

Re: Divorce disagreement on financials
Andyk - 26 February, 2017 05:52AM
Committing adultery has no bearing on the finances.
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