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History: Home UK Divorce Forum
Topic:
in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process? (11 Posts)
Started By:
Date:
30 November, 2010 02:25PM
in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
saxt - 30 November, 2010 02:25PM
I am divorcing after 10 years of marriage (where I have mostly been the only breadwinner), there are no children, we are both early forties. I am the petitioner, and the grounds are "unreasonable behaviour". Petition has been served in September, and a date for Decree Nisi has been set for end of this year, literally. So far so good.
I am living in another part of the country for my work (in rental accomodation), coming home to the (still) marital home every 3 weeks or so. Things between me and STBX have been amicable so far, although she doesnt agree with the fact that the marriage is irretrievably broken down. I expect that between the Decree Nisi and Absolute we can agree on a Financial Settlement that should be made into a consent order and under which I agree to pay maintenance for her for say 3-4 years to come so she has time to sort herself out and stand on her own feet. That's the facts. I am hoping to get a "clean break".

When I started the divorce process I also found myself in something which over time developed into a new relationship - without STBX knowing. At the beginning it didnt seem relevant (it didnt look "serious" ), and so overtime I grew accustomed to not mentioning it to STBX as that just made the interaction regarding a controversial subject less difficult (I wouldn't say "easy" ). I guess living in 2 faraway cities does help. There are reasons now (which I won't go into) why I would like to inform STBX of the fact that I am in a new relationship now, and I expect her to not be pleased by that piece of news, and I am not quite sure how far she will go in terms of making things difficult for me now. But that's besides the point. What I would like to know is: CAN she actually make it more difficult, from a process point of view? The Decree Nisi date has been set, the court has accepted the grounds and the petition - can she stop the process in any legal way? Can she claim that "new information has emerged which she did not have at the time when the petition was served, otherwise she would never have acknowledged it" - or something like this? I am aware of the fact that this will make the Financial negotiations more difficult but I am prepared to deal with that. I just want to make sure that by telling her now, before Decree Absolute, I am not jeopardizing the whole divorce process for myself?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 30/11/2010 05:48PM by saxt.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
davidterry - 30 November, 2010 05:36PM
It does not jeopardise the divorce process, no. If a date has been set for decree nisi then that is that. It does not affect the original grounds for the divorce and so it should not affect that aspect at all.

Having said that, it will probably affect the progress of resolving financial issues and your wife may be in a position to insist that the resolution of financial issues takes place before decree absolute. If she is then this discovery may delay decree absolute but it will not stop it. And, of course, your wife may want to know all about the financial circumstances of this other person which will add a whole new dimension of complexity to getting the financial issues resolved. That will not do much for your new relationship either.

If you live at the other side of the country and only come home every three weeks or so then I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to work out that you may have found alternative ways of passing the time. However, in my experience that does not usually prevent the other spouse getting very indignant when eventually told.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
saxt - 30 November, 2010 05:50PM
thank you David, that eases my mind a bit, at least with regards to the process bit! as for the rest - yes, I can very well see that coming, and "very indignant" is a very mild way of expressing what I expect to happen...
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
davidterry - 30 November, 2010 06:30PM
I have to admit I always find this difficult to understand. You only come home every three weeks or so and you have issued a divorce petition which is on track to have decree nisi pronounced. By anyone's reckoning there is not much left to that marriage but that still does not seem to prevent people getting very, very agitated when they learn that their husband/wife has been seeing someone else. I see this all the time but quite why it always seems to come as such a big shock I really don't know.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
st1 - 07 December, 2010 11:52PM
David, following on from this topic I have a similar situation in reverse. My wife and I are separated and my understanding was we were going to wait for the 2 years period. However she is now suddenly in a hurry and proposing to inititate on grounds of 'Unreasonable' against me and pushing me to agree. She is already in another relationship and I suspect her sudden urgency is because she wants to move that forward quickly, although obviously she denies that.

She earns more that I do and has already taken over the house and bought me out, although some monies are still due to me. My question therefore is seeing that she is already in a new relationship, would this have any impact on any financial arrangments we should make, or is it irrelevant in the eyes of the law? I currently do not have a new partner and have no intention of entering into any relationship in the forseeable future. We have one daughter who I will continue to support but should I reduce that level of financial support if my STBX is already with someone else?

Hope to hear from you.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
davidterry - 08 December, 2010 10:01AM
If the marriage is over it is sensible to end it by divorce sooner rather than later. It does not make sense to put your respective lives on hold for two years. After all, you did not separate without some sort of reason. Financial issues are best settled once for all within the context of a divorce. It is impossible to know for sure without seeing the terms of the financial agreement between yourself and your wife but it is quite likely that is now up for renegotiation during the course of the divorce.

As to your daughter, well, you have an obligation to maintain her whether your wife has a new partner or not. After all, she is your child. And your liability is determined by the CSA formula which will not change because your wife has a new partner.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
st1 - 08 December, 2010 11:49AM
Thank you David. Just as a supplementary question then .......looking at the response given to Saxt on 30/11, should I request/am I entitled to access to the financial circumstances of her new partner for purposes of the financial arrangement?

Interestingly it has been also proposed now by STBX that if I wish to I can divorce her on the grounds of adultery! I'm wondering, does it make any difference to me whether I divorce her or vice versa? From what I've read here on previous threads I'm beginning to think it doesn't but any guidance appreciated.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
davidterry - 08 December, 2010 01:43PM
It does not make any difference to the financial outcome who divorces whom for what. It is, however, the petitioner who progresses a divorce so for the spouse who wants the divorce it is sensible to be the petitioner.

The financial circumstances of your wife's partner may be relevant but, frankly, I doubt whether that information will be disclosed to you just by asking. You would almost certainly need to issue formal ancillary proceedings if you wanted to got there and you would have to weigh up the costs and benefits of that.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
st1 - 08 December, 2010 03:36PM
Thanks again David, I appreciate your guidance.
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
Mjt73 - 19 December, 2017 09:17PM
Hi

My wife & I are divorcing after 13 years of marriage on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. My choice (many. Reasons) My Nisi has been granted but we are having to go to court over our child contact because mediation failed. Financial arrangements to be completed sometime in Jan 2018.

A while ago I met someone who new, who is now a very good friend and I intended to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. However, it is possible that something may develop at some point but not anytime soon. My wife is convinced that this person contributed to the breakdown of my marriage but this is simply not the case. My marriage in my eyes was over 6 years previous (2012) but I stayed in a very unhappy marriage because of my daughter.

I’m worried that my situation (new friendship) may somehow have a detrimental affect on my case and I would be really appreciative for some reassurance.

Many thanks
M
Re: in new relationship but not yet divorced (Absolute) - can this jeopardize divorce process?
HatMan - 20 December, 2017 06:54AM
The reasons for any divorce are irrelevant to the financial arrangements so whether you were playing away or not matters not a jot as far as the settlement is concerned.
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