UK Divorce Forum

Re: 3 weeks to go... Mrs Nasty has still not fully disclosed

Monkey — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:27:40 +0100

I know it is very difficult for anyone to understand but basically she thinks it is unfair that she should have to pay the mortgage all by herself, she wanted to borrow to improve the house which is what she did, she claims that I should pay money every month for the next ten years to assist her. The house has equity, which I wanted nothing from, she has savings and some of the remortgage is unaccounted for (£20 - £30K of it that I have no details of) I don't have a permanent job and I am ill, little wonder after the hell she has put me through. I am not in debt (yet) thanks to my fiancee funding the legal fees in the last few months.

No one has advised me to just turn up and defend myself. How do I know that her barrister wouldn't wipe the floor with me? She took a barrister to the nisi, the absolute the FDR and obviously the next one. BEcause the law is a complete minefield, how would anyone dare turn up without someone knowledgeable to defend himself? I did not want to run up these costs but because she has continued to do this, I have to defend myself.

Re: Pensions

Easteregg — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:18:25 +0100

Thanks but I can't get to speak to my solicitor until next week. My stbx pension fund is approx 193k, does that help at all? Thank you

Grown up children

cathymac — Thu, 17 May 2012 16:59:57 +0100

Hi,

I have been separated for 10 yrs and just received my decree nisi. My husband is the petitioner. My solicitor is making feel really worried as she says that a judge will just say...kids are over 18, you're working and he's working.
However the kids were all schoolage when he left, I have 2 still at university , living at home. I used to work part time but had to work full time to support the famuli.
He did pay some maintainance when he first left but he has not paid anything in approx 5yrs. There is a house with a £140,000 mortgage, an outstanding £7,000 loan.
My solicitor said this would be split 50/50, including the debt....

He has just moved into a new house ( says its in his partners name).

Feel like I'm being shafted!! :-(

Re: Pensions

Burger — Thu, 17 May 2012 16:51:46 +0100

You would need to ask your solicitor that. His advice no doubt is based on the figures involved, not simply plucked from the air.

Re: 3 weeks to go... Mrs Nasty has still not fully disclosed

MacG1 — Thu, 17 May 2012 16:44:08 +0100

Hi Monkey, please don't take this the wrong way but I don't really understand why you have involved barristers etc and run up these huge bills if you truly had nothing else to give her other than what you had already agreed to, which you say was everything. It seems as though you have played directly into her hands and done exactly what she wanted you to do by getting into debt. If you had just played along and turned up and shown you had already given her everything, what do you think would happen? The court cannot force you to sign over assets you do not have.

Re: NOT going to lose my house!

MacG1 — Thu, 17 May 2012 16:39:29 +0100

As per previous posts, if she issues proceedings then she will control the timetable and you may be out sooner than you would like. The only way to force you out is via divorce proceedings ( unless things get really nasty at home and police are called etc). However, you seem to be putting your financial needs ( saving for deposit) ahead of everyone's emotional and mental wellbeing, including that of your child and yourself. Maybe you are getting along great but most people find this kind of situation increasingly intolerable and this could cause long term damage to all three of you. Given the situation you have outlined, you are probably going to have to move out - why protract this? Are you secretly hoping for reconciliation?

Pensions

Easteregg — Thu, 17 May 2012 16:17:27 +0100

My stbx has two pensions whereas I have none. My solicitor has advised me that if I take cash instead of pension share, I would expect to receive approx 25%. Can you tell me if this would be 25% of the total pension pot or 25% of 'my share'. We have been married for 32 years. Any advice gratefully received.

Re: what defines a "need"?

davidterry — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:14:54 +0100

For what it's worth I hardly ever see a Form E completed by a wife which does not allege 'needs' which exceed the total family income and then by some margin. Husbands in general tend not to do this but tend rather to put their needs into broad blocks which often underestimates their needs. Wives usually include expenditure for birthdays, Christmas, holidays, boiler repairs etc etc.

The fact is, though, as Burger says, the family income is what the family income is and no list of 'needs' will increase that income. The courts try to balance competing needs within the context of what the family income actually is and not based on a wish list.

Re: what defines a "need"?

Burger — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:55:36 +0100

Yeah, if her solicitor has any sense, after seeing your form E, he'll give her good advice based on this. It does not do anyone any favours to go to court with unrealistic expectations.

Re: what defines a "need"?

zqo93w — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:52:29 +0100

Thanks Burger, thats what i was hoping. I'd love to be able to pay for everything so that she could be at home with our child 24/7, but sadly in this day and age my wages will only go so far, especially as rent for a 2 bed house round these parts ( ill need this as daughter will be staying over), is at least 750. Plus bills of around £300 inc council tax, fuel to and from work and food, and that leaves me just enough to pay her what i consider a reasonable amount of maintainance. JUst hope she realises this before we end up spending 1000's in court fee's that could be avoided.

Re: what defines a "need"?

Burger — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:47:46 +0100

Quote
Will " wants" and " needs" be taken into account by the court? I earn about 1900 per month, so cannot afford to pay more than i do at present when i take into account my own essential living costs.

The second part of this is more pertinent than the first. She cannot get blood from a stone. It does not matter what she says her needs are, your means are limited and you cannot be expected to pay more than you can afford.

what defines a "need"?

zqo93w — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:33:53 +0100

Recieved STBX's Form E today ( a month after i sent her solicitor mine, but hey)...

She has stated that her outgoings are approx 2300 a month ( she earns about 800, plus 700 in benefits, plus my 350 voluntary maintainance).

However, much of these costs ( a good £600's worth) is things like hair, clothing, car maintainance costs ( £60 a month on average for mot's/servicing - must be using a rolls royce garage!), gym fee's, food for her ( not my daughter i add - that is a separate section) etc. Basically, what i would consider to be not essential for my daughter.

Will " wants" and " needs" be taken into account by the court? I earn about 1900 per month, so cannot afford to pay more than i do at present when i take into account my own essential living costs.

I am happy to contribute to my daughters wellbeing, and keep a roof over her head so that she can continue to attend the same playschool, stay in same home etc - however, i will be a bit miffed to say the least if a court decides that I am to pay for my ex-wifes highlights, main dealership car services and heels!

Re: without prejudice offer

davidterry — Thu, 17 May 2012 09:52:03 +0100

>>can anyone tell me if a "without prejudice" offer in relation to Ancillary relief can be retracted after the other party has accepted?<<

It cannot be withdrawn, no. Once the offer has been accepted the hammer falls on the deal and it is no longer 'without prejudice' which means that the correspondence can be shown to the court. A without prejudice proposal can only be withdrawn before it is accepted not afterwards.

Having said that there are many things in life where what 'should be' is different from what 'is'. Sometimes in this type of situation a court will press on with determining the issues between the parties rather than going off on a side issue of whether there was a concluded agreement or not. A person who does withdraw a without prejudice offer which has been accepted does run the risk of later being penalised in costs.

Re: NOT going to lose my house!

unhappydaddy — Thu, 17 May 2012 09:25:37 +0100

Looks like I can't get a mortgage as I am self employed with only a years worth of earnings on paper, (I need two years for a mortgage). Therefore I feel I should say that I can't move out if I can't get a mortgage, and she will have to to either play the long game a bit until I can, or she will have to rent a flat in the interim if she feels she really can't live with me.
I was happy to give her the divorce she wanted, but I can't help think that if I delay this, it will slow down the process where I could be forced to move out of my house?

Re: stbx has properties overseas

davidterry — Thu, 17 May 2012 08:47:15 +0100

Yes. I don't think you have a cat in hell's chance of dealing with a situation like this as a litigant in person.

Re: Spouse Maintenance

Easteregg — Wed, 16 May 2012 21:48:12 +0100

yes I do, thank you

Re: Spouse Maintenance

Burger — Wed, 16 May 2012 20:38:13 +0100

Do you mean maintenance pending suit?

Re: stbx has properties overseas

Hubbiten1 — Wed, 16 May 2012 20:24:31 +0100

any adivce under these circumstances plzzzz ??????

without prejudice offer

jerseyberry — Wed, 16 May 2012 20:00:50 +0100

Hi can anyone tell me if a "without prejudice" offer in relation to Ancillary relief can be retracted after the other party has accepted?
The case has not reached the court process as yet, the offer was made via each other's solicitors.

Thank you

Spouse Maintenance

Easteregg — Wed, 16 May 2012 19:47:32 +0100

Please can anyone advise me on spouse maintenance. I have asked my solicitor to apply to the court asap for SM, due to the fact that I am struggling to live. How will he approach this with the court? What is the procedure as I feel he is trying to leave it until the 1st financial hearing in June, but I need money to live. We were married 33 years, two children who have left the nest, and we are currently at divorce nisi, awaiting court hearing.He earns a very good wage, He has stalled at every stage and delayed things as much as possible as he knows I am struggling and therefore wants me to settle quicker and have less in the settlement. Thank you so much.

Re: 3 weeks to go... Mrs Nasty has still not fully disclosed

Monkey — Wed, 16 May 2012 19:37:05 +0100

Finally spoke to my solicitor today who thinks that Mrs Nasty will try to claim that her inheritance has happened since the break up and should not be taken into consideration in the FDR. It is unlikely that Mrs Nasty has started the probabe process, no word on the will. The awful, awful possibility from my solicitor is that it goes to court and that on the day, withouth full info of Mrs Nasty's inheritance, the judge could cancel the hearing. THis would mean me paying out for the barrister only for it to be wasted and having to pay up again! Solicitor says it is rare that costs are awarded.
How can she get away with this and keep on costing us a fortune? We are utterly worn out with the stress and worry.

Re: So what's next

Burger — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:54:23 +0100

I'm getting deja vu here. What has changed since your last thread?

Re: So what's next

KAL — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:05:33 +0100

Sorry, here's the big picture >>>

Am looking for advice with regards to the terms being offered to me by my wife in our separation/divorce. I'm 40 years old and and she is 39.

I earn £32,000 working full time, and she earns aprox £25,000 working 30 hour week, though has the option to work extra hours overtime which she occasionally does.

We have one dependent son who's 13 years of age, who will spend equal time with us both, though she will be the one to buy his clothing etc (will ask question later regarding maintenance payments).

The offer she's put to me is she keeps the house and pays me £42,000 which is a tad over 40% of the equity. If I agree she won't go after my pension, to which I've been paying into for 22 years (she has no pension), I get to keep my car which is worth aprox £8,000, her's is worth around £2,000.

No agreement has been made yet regarding the house contents, but if she's being reasonable then I'm willing to leave everything behind as the least disruption to my son the better.

As for maintenance money, how much should I be looking to pay her per calendar month? Baring in mind me and him are very close so will be staying with me 2/3 nights a week too.

We have aprox £4,000 in savings between us, do we get half each?

I will also need the money before I can look to buy somewhere of my own, so if we agree and get this signed in a binding contract, how long am I looking at before the money would be released?

Any advice you can give me will be gratefully received.

Re: So what's next

MacG1 — Wed, 16 May 2012 11:27:14 +0100

Are you getting divorced? Are there any children? If you are getting divorced then you need to get a consent order drawn up to formalise the verbal agreement you have. Otherwise she can come back for more in the future.............If you give the full picture the legal exprtes on this forum will be able to help you a lot :)

So what's next

KAL — Wed, 16 May 2012 09:12:09 +0100

My wife and I have come to a verble agreement regarding her buying me out, maintenance money etc. She's made another appointment with mortgage adviser to draw up papers to remove me off the mortgage, but what do I need to do before I sign?
Do I make an appointment with solicitor to draw up papers to legalize our verbals and get them sent to her?
Apologies if this sounds a blonde question but less than au feit with the scenario I'm in

Re: Consent Order

Burger — Tue, 15 May 2012 19:17:58 +0100

Quote
( he has repeatedly threatened to do this,)

Many threaten this, but very few do it. It would be cutting off his nose to spite his face. Most likely it is a threat, nothing more. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Re: Consent Order

MacG1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 19:06:56 +0100

Great - thanks so much for putting my mind at rest. I don't think he would go so far as to pay to take it to court.

Re: Consent Order

davidterry — Tue, 15 May 2012 18:57:13 +0100

Well, that proportion of the sum payable which relates to child maintenance is basically what the CSA calculation would be. Unless the order specifically breaks down how much is being paid for child maintenance and how much is being paid for spousal maintenance the default position is that the amount which would be assessed by the CSA is child maintenance and the balance is spousal maintenance. If, say, the court order says he should pay £X a month as spousal and child maintenance and the CSA a year from now assesses his child maintenance liability as £Y he would still have to pay £X minus £Y under the terms of the order until such time as he can persuade a court to vary it.

Re: Husband has vanished before the process has even begun

MacG1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:30:02 +0100

You may be entitled to legal aid - check it out with a local solicitor. Many do 30 mins free advice. You know where he works. A court bailiff or process server will be able to find him fairly easily. If he doesn't sign the papers you then have "deemed service" and the divorce will go ahead regardless. Don't let him fob you off. Don't even let him know you are going to file a petition as then he may try to get in first and then drag the whole thing on and on for years. If you petition you are in the driving seat.Th eonly problem you may have is that you have been seperated for so long and you will need an unreasonable behaviour petition if he won't play ball. best to get a solicitor to word petition carefully for you. Good luck.

Re: Consent Order

MacG1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:25:17 +0100

Thanks DT - Re my first two points I did think they were rather strange! I will see if he/his sol objects and take it from there. re my third point, I absolutely wouldn't expect to be able to keep my house/retain the maintenance specified if his income was seriously dented. What I am asking is this: if he goes to the csa in a years time and gets a reduction in cm because he has deliberately reduced his income for 12 months ( he has repeatedly threatened to do this,) would he have to go to court to stop paying the overall amount specified in the original consent order? That should be enough to stop him, but I didn't know if there needed to be a clause in there that specified this? The CO does not specify how much is SM and how much cm.
Many thanks for all your help.